The Best Times to Show TRUE LOVE are When it Isn’t Easy and
It Requires Personal SACRIFICE.
When it comes to infertility, most of what I blog about has
happened a few months previous. I don’t write about it right away because both
Nathan and I have to process the information ourselves, accept our reality,
mourn or celebrate depending on the status, and then do something about it. We
have to be spiritually prepared to share and try to see the big picture. So my
posts are long but the whole fertility process is long and complicated so it’s
very fitting.
So I got
another round of blood tests drawn, which always make me sick to my stomach because
I know how much each vial of blood drawn is costing us. Who knew that those
routine lab draws I do on my patients at work are costing some of them an arm
and a leg. I have so much more respect for people with illnesses that practically
live in the hospital. I realize just how much medical debt they are recruiting
and how financially devastating health issues can be. My heart goes out to all of
them! So my tests all came back great! I’ve been on Synthroid for about two
months now and it slowly regulating everything. All my hormones are getting back
to where they need to be and my last cycle was awesome! Yay! So I’m set! We will
check my levels again in three months and see how things are continuing!
Hopefully only progress!
Around the
same time we also go Nathans labs. All of his hormone levels came back normal
but his semen analysis was about the same with a little increase in the quantity
but still terrible motility. The motility is what really matters. We were
actually kind of hoping that his hormones were off because then it would give
us an answer and a plan of action. But with Nate’s hormone levels being normal (which
we are grateful for), it puts us back to square 1… We didn’t have an answer as
to why Nathan was not producing and the doctors at that point would not put Nathan
on hormones. They explained why he didn’t need them and why they wouldn’t help.
His labs are normal so hormone therapy wouldn’t do anything for him or his
production. We were bummed because we were back to not having any answers and the
start of more testing but we were relieved that his labs were normal because it
means that physically, his endocrine system is healthy. So we felt a little
lost of where to go from here. Our doctor suggested that we see a fertility
urologist who specializes in male infertility reasons, to take a deeper look
into things. Getting all the labs and documents for that process was quite the hassle.
But it was all worth it because Dr. Hotaling was extremely thorough! Through Nate’s
examination with Dr. Hotaling (Fertility urologist) we found that Nate had
Varicoceles. Varicoceles are basically varicose veins on the testicles. They can
be a common cause to male infertility. Dr. Hotaling explained that Varicoceles
do two major things to the sperm. #1: the increase in blood flow to the
testicles increases the temperature. The testicles are very touchy when it
comes to temperature and need to be at least 4 degrees cooler than the basil
body temperature for ideal sperm production. That is why they are outside of
the body. The increased temperature can cause a decrease in overall sperm production
causing decreased quantity. #2: Varicoceles can cause increased pressure on the
testicles which results in damaging the sperm and it’s DNA. Dr. Hotaling
explained that the increased pressure essentially chops up the sperms DNA causing deformity of the sperm which would explain the decreased morphology and motility and it can ultimately increase a couples chances of miscarrying if they do become pregnant.
The doctor explained that that could have been the possible reason as too our miscarriage.
But who really knows? Dr. Hotaling was actually shocked that we ever were even able to get pregnant
with Nathans numbers and stated that we would probably NEVER be able to conceive
on our own naturally without fixing the veins.
So how
do we fix them? Sadly it’s not the most fun. Nate would have to go in for
surgery to have them tied off. I was extremely hesitant because who knew if
that was the reason for our bad numbers and I would never make Nate go through
anything like that unless it was 100% what he wanted. I didn’t think that he would decide right then because I thought we would want to research and process
the news but to my surprise Nate was optimistic and didn’t even hesitate. He
wanted to do the surgery and he scheduled it himself that very day. I pretty
much burst into tears. I felt so terrible that Nate would have to go through
this but mostly I felt such gratitude for his sacrifice for me. After leaving
the appointment, Nathan asked me why I was crying. I stated because I felt
terrible that he would have to have surgery. I wish that there was another way.
I also felt more grateful for him and what he was doing for us. I expressed how
much it meant to me. More than anything in my life. Nate wasn’t upset at all
and was actually extremely happy and optimistic. He held me close in his arms as
he explained that he wanted to be a father more than anything else in life and
wanted me to be a mother. He stated that he would do anything in his power to get
us there and was so happy that they found something that was a possible reason
for our situation. He stated that he felt strongly that by having the surgery,
we are showing our faith and determination to God. We are showing our determination, faithfulness, and that we are
willing to sacrifice anything. By doing our part and showing our faith, the lord will
follow through with his part. Now let me tell everyone, THAT is PURE TRUE LOVE!
When someone you love is willing to give up everything for your happiness it is
the real deal! I couldn’t be more grateful, attracted, in-love, blessed, or
closer to my sweetheart during this time! He truly is my superman and I am so
amazed by his strength every day! I realize that with him by my side, I am able
to be the best I can be! I feel that Nathan is truly my greatest blessing in
life and makes me so much better! I feel so beyond words grateful for his
sacrifice. The Best Times to Show TRUE LOVE are When it Isn’t Easy and It
Requires Personal SACRIFICE.
On the day of surgery, we were both
nervous but feeling hopeful for the possibilities that this procedure could
bring. 80% of men with varicoceles that have a varicocelectomy, have an
increase and success in sperm production. 20% won’t have a change at all. Either
way, if we don’t take care of them, they will only get progressively worse so
it doesn’t hurt. The surgery was only supposed to take 40minutes total and
ended up taking almost two hours. Once Nate was in recovery, Dr. Hotaling
requested to see me in a private conference room. I was a little nervous
because I didn’t know what to expect. Dr. Hotaling stated that it went well but
took a long time because Nathan had 8 varicoceles! EIGHT!!!! That is a ton. I
was stunned! I asked Dr. Hotaling if that was a lot and he replied that is definitely
was. He stated that most men who have varicoceles may have one or two and
rarely over 4. Nate Had Double that and not only did he have a lot but they
were massive. He showed me pictures and explained possible outcomes. Dr.
Hotaling stated that he feels strongly that it will help our situation and the
increase in production. It won't fix everything and who knows if it will even work but our chances are high!
Nathan
is recovering with only a few minor complications along the way but overall he is healing well and will forever be my superman. We won’t know the success
of the varicocelectomy until about August or September because it takes a minimum
of three months for sperm to develop. So what a man did three months ago will
show in his sperm three months later. Kind of crazy how sensitive and
complicated things can get. We will do another round of testing in August and
if our numbers have improved then we can start the IUI and Chlomid process! We
feel grateful and happy with the process that we are making and for our current
plan. We are getting closer to being with our little ones each day! We are so
blessed that things aren’t more complicated than they already are and we pray
for those that are dealing with much worse!
Infertility
is never an easy process. In reality, it is so so hard. Probably one of the
most challenging things both Nate and I have ever faced. Not a day goes by that I don’t think about it
and it doesn’t hurt. Nathan and I feel strongly and believe that as long as we
do our part, the lord will do his. We have faith! On days that I feel inpatient
I just have to tell myself “You will get there when you are meant to get there
and not one moment sooner. So relax, breathe, and be patient.” God doesn’t give
us what we can handle, God helps us handle what we are given!
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